Passenger

I fall in love in the
___passenger seat
at night with the windows down
My hand is out carressing the wind
His hand on my thigh,

The red glow of the radio
The outline of his face as he
Sings along, sometimes joking
Sometimes seducing
Always
__leaning
____towards me
______closer with each lyric
Until I plant the kiss on his cheek he is
Subtley requesting

I love during the day
when I see his smile in full light
But I fall in love in the
_____passenger seat
Every time.

Dependance

I heard the line from a song tonight: “I could have used your voice today”.
I could have used you today. I think about your hands on my shoulders when I feel tense. I think about your voice when I’m stressed. I long for your embrace when I’m tired, lonely, happy, angry, and depressed. I depend on you for my happiness. Even though I usually can’t hear your voice when I need to, don’t get to relax when I’m wound up, and don’t get your comfort for many weeks at a time, just the thought that you can fix all my problems fixes most of them when you’re not here.
I am not ashamed or feel weak because I depend on you. I feel strong that I have a person behind me holding me up. I know, without a doubt, that I can make myself happy. I do. But you are my ground, my wall, my mountain, my every cliché.

____

Just a few thoughts. Feeling sentimental. And apparently a little deffiant...Happy though. Very happy.

Yes and No

Yes and No

To people from my past and present, friends and lovers.

Yes,
I still think about you
I still think of “what if’s”
I miss things about you

No,
I don’t think I should forget you
I don’t regret a single moment with you
I wouldn’t change the way things happened

Yes, I am happy.
No, I do not want it back.
Yes, I still love you.
No, I am not ashamed.

________________________

Nothing special I know. But it's heartfelt, and something on my mind. I don't like that it seems to be expected that when a relationship ends, one seems to be expected to be bitter, or at least want to forget the whole experience like that. No one I have loved ever leaves my heart. I refuse to be ashamed of that. And just as much as I don't regret my past, I don't regret that these relationships have ended. People grow and change, and honestly some don't.

Airport Stories/Work in Progress

I sat down in the moderately comfortable seat, the appropriate distance that one seems obligated to keep when it comes to sitting near strangers in public transport waiting areas. Not long after I’d settled down with my laptop, watching some mindless TV show I had downloaded for this specific occasion, a man with neon yellow headphones and a reflective vest approached the small desk underneath the sign that read A Gate 1 B. He announced that boarding for families with children, children flying alone, or people with some sort of special membership, could now board the plane. As people began to pick up their bags, and generally shuffle about, I noticed a man with a working dog standing at the other end of my row of seats. The dog was of medium size, bronze colored, with expressive golden brown eyes. The man on the other side of the leash was not very tall, with buzzed hair. His eyes were not focused and seemed to wander separately from each other. Despite this, his small smile and confidant stance hinted at his awareness of the world around him. I ignored my initial urge to go greet the dog, for as anyone who pays attention would realize, the dog was working. Any attention from a stranger is an unwanted distraction. A small group of our follow passengers stood near the man, and asked him about his dog. His name was Bentley. Yes, he was a good dog, very eager to move. The man smiled like a proud parent, and laughed indulgently with the questioners. Bentley luxuriously stretched and watched the door.
As we lined up to the gate, Bentley slipped past me, causing the man to slightly bump into me. I heard him say “Careful” reproachfully as he passed. The man handling the tickets tagged one of the man’s bags to be stowed away, and asked if he needed assistance up the ramp. He replied, “No, no. It’ll be fine,” then to Bentley, “Forward.” As the worker checked my boarding pass, another woman in the same reflective vest leaned through the door frame and asked, “Did you ask if he wanted assistance up the ramp?” The man with my pass replied, somewhat impatiently, “Yes, he said he’d be fine.” The woman looked perplexed and said, “I believe you but…” and pulled back into the passageway. As I went through myself, I smiled slightly thinking, “O, ye of little faith.” That dog could find his way better than most people, I believe.

_________

This is a work in progress, there's several more bits of story to go after this. Seemed a good point to stop and ask opinions though.

Steps

Everyday, we're taking just a few steps and getting closer to being happy. Just keep your head up, your chest out, bend your knee...and against all the currents of your doubt, other people's doubt in you, and all the forces of the world that want to hold you down, take that one small step that gets you closer to yourself.
I'm beside you, trying just as hard to get through these currents, but don't be afraid to lean on me. There's strength in numbers.
So, cliche as I sound, understand my sincerity when I say you're not alone. And all it takes is little steps at a time...

Why is that Winter always seems to bring out the problems?

So while thinking about classes I need to take next quarter, I realize I have too many interests. I have about half of the requirements for a Bio minor, but after being reminded this quarter of how anal the sciences are that's not going to happen. I have a third of a Theater minor, but don't feel like commiting to take 4 more classes, when I only have 4 more quarters left. I think I'll just accept it, and take whatever classes I feel like outside my requirements for my major. Can't hurt. Funny how I have too many options for academics, but I only have 2 PEs and need 3 more...but I'm not really interested in any (besides the fact that most of them have a fee).

Oh, and have I mentioned how much I hate money?

At least I'm feeling better now.

I think I'm ready to be done with school.

Techies in Suburbia and "Stuck in the Middle with You"

On my way to work today I saw my "boss", Jon, driving away from the shop. He saw me and waved me over. About three yards from his truck, I said "What's up?"
"You clocking in?" he asked.
"Yeah..."
"We're going shopping. Hop in."
He needed props for one of the productions going up in a couple weeks and decided to make it a one stop expedition by going to Meijer. He handed me the list to look over. There were three columns typed on the page, one named the item needed, the second the amount, and the third had a space for extra notes. I commented on the note that corresponded with "pizza". It said that Ben, one of the actors, preffered something vegetarian. Jon and I then engaged in a conversation about the contrariness of a vegatarian diet to that of human nature and dietary needs.
Once at meijer, we began in the food section. Three cheese pizzas were first. Twinkies and oreos came next, then bags of chips. Next were two street hockey sticks and pucks. And the final item, a lawn gnome.
Besides the odd fare, I realized the two of us stuck out from the crowd some. Jon Reeves is a singular person in any situation, but his tattoos, skull rag, and Carhart overalls seemed particularly out of place in such a middle class haven. My paint splattered pants and leather jacket didn't exactly blend in either.
At the checkout, I said, "I'm suprised there are so many people here in the middle of the day, on a Tuesday."
"We're in the suburbs," Jon sneered. "Besides, note the average age. You are the youngest thing around, and I'm even on the lower side."
I put the hockey sticks over my shoulder after they'd been scanned.
The lawn gnome was double bagged.
______

So, I'm stuck in the middle of my friends' drama. Nothing new. I'd give the laundry list, but that's not necessary. But once again I'm finding that being "the rock" for everyone, tends to be a bit tiring. It's getting to be that time when I start loosing my own grip. I need my own personal rocks here to stablize me. One is hopefully coming soon, Nassau. The other will be here in a few weeks, Chase. Hopefully, if I just dig my toes in, I can remain grounded for just a little longer.