Steps

Everyday, we're taking just a few steps and getting closer to being happy. Just keep your head up, your chest out, bend your knee...and against all the currents of your doubt, other people's doubt in you, and all the forces of the world that want to hold you down, take that one small step that gets you closer to yourself.
I'm beside you, trying just as hard to get through these currents, but don't be afraid to lean on me. There's strength in numbers.
So, cliche as I sound, understand my sincerity when I say you're not alone. And all it takes is little steps at a time...

Why is that Winter always seems to bring out the problems?

So while thinking about classes I need to take next quarter, I realize I have too many interests. I have about half of the requirements for a Bio minor, but after being reminded this quarter of how anal the sciences are that's not going to happen. I have a third of a Theater minor, but don't feel like commiting to take 4 more classes, when I only have 4 more quarters left. I think I'll just accept it, and take whatever classes I feel like outside my requirements for my major. Can't hurt. Funny how I have too many options for academics, but I only have 2 PEs and need 3 more...but I'm not really interested in any (besides the fact that most of them have a fee).

Oh, and have I mentioned how much I hate money?

At least I'm feeling better now.

I think I'm ready to be done with school.

Techies in Suburbia and "Stuck in the Middle with You"

On my way to work today I saw my "boss", Jon, driving away from the shop. He saw me and waved me over. About three yards from his truck, I said "What's up?"
"You clocking in?" he asked.
"Yeah..."
"We're going shopping. Hop in."
He needed props for one of the productions going up in a couple weeks and decided to make it a one stop expedition by going to Meijer. He handed me the list to look over. There were three columns typed on the page, one named the item needed, the second the amount, and the third had a space for extra notes. I commented on the note that corresponded with "pizza". It said that Ben, one of the actors, preffered something vegetarian. Jon and I then engaged in a conversation about the contrariness of a vegatarian diet to that of human nature and dietary needs.
Once at meijer, we began in the food section. Three cheese pizzas were first. Twinkies and oreos came next, then bags of chips. Next were two street hockey sticks and pucks. And the final item, a lawn gnome.
Besides the odd fare, I realized the two of us stuck out from the crowd some. Jon Reeves is a singular person in any situation, but his tattoos, skull rag, and Carhart overalls seemed particularly out of place in such a middle class haven. My paint splattered pants and leather jacket didn't exactly blend in either.
At the checkout, I said, "I'm suprised there are so many people here in the middle of the day, on a Tuesday."
"We're in the suburbs," Jon sneered. "Besides, note the average age. You are the youngest thing around, and I'm even on the lower side."
I put the hockey sticks over my shoulder after they'd been scanned.
The lawn gnome was double bagged.
______

So, I'm stuck in the middle of my friends' drama. Nothing new. I'd give the laundry list, but that's not necessary. But once again I'm finding that being "the rock" for everyone, tends to be a bit tiring. It's getting to be that time when I start loosing my own grip. I need my own personal rocks here to stablize me. One is hopefully coming soon, Nassau. The other will be here in a few weeks, Chase. Hopefully, if I just dig my toes in, I can remain grounded for just a little longer.

Dammed

There are sounds, words, song
In my head, in my heart, in my throat.
They are pushing, pressing to be released.
Shifting larynx, stretching vocal strings,
into my mouth, rolling along my tongue
Sharp and smooth, hot and insistant.
I open my lips and
Silence.
There is a block, somewhere.
Here, there.
The day I breach this dam
There will be a tumult of music,
Sounds, Screams!
Pulsing, pushing,
I Will Not Be Denied!

The silence will forever ring with my heart.

Just some pictures...

New maille stuff:

And cuteness

Florida Holiday: 70 degrees and Christmas Cranes

Well, I'm in Florida for Christmas. Liz's, my sister's, apartment is nice, a little small, but nice. A little sad that I'm spending time away from Chase when I have so little time till I go back to school. It'll be ok though, we have a few days before I leave.

It's been fun. We opened presents, had good food, and just generally enjoyed eachothers' company. I got a digital camera (yay!) and a couple of other fun little things. Dad seemed to give everyone a battery charger with rechargable batteries.

Tomorrow we're going to Universal Studios. Should be fun. Part of me would much rather be on the way back to Greenville so I could have one more day with Chase, but I'm sure this will be fun.

I have been talking through texts with Ian. He and his girlfriend broke up, and apparently he still wants to talk to me, though he hasn't called. *shrug*

Oh, and there are sandhill cranes nearby, a huge flock of them staying in a field during their winter migration. Mom, Liz, and I went and took pictures. Christmas Cranes.

Well....

So, I'm silly. As soon as I saw Chase most of my doubts just disappeared. (Only most because, well, see previous entry "Doubt is a Devil") I've spent most of my time home so far with him. One night we took blanket out into the field next to his house and stargazed. There were lots of shooting stars that night. It was practically perfect.

As for Ian...I'm a wuss. I haven't called him yet....Instead I just sent him a text message. I'm such a chicken.