Florida Holiday: 70 degrees and Christmas Cranes

Well, I'm in Florida for Christmas. Liz's, my sister's, apartment is nice, a little small, but nice. A little sad that I'm spending time away from Chase when I have so little time till I go back to school. It'll be ok though, we have a few days before I leave.

It's been fun. We opened presents, had good food, and just generally enjoyed eachothers' company. I got a digital camera (yay!) and a couple of other fun little things. Dad seemed to give everyone a battery charger with rechargable batteries.

Tomorrow we're going to Universal Studios. Should be fun. Part of me would much rather be on the way back to Greenville so I could have one more day with Chase, but I'm sure this will be fun.

I have been talking through texts with Ian. He and his girlfriend broke up, and apparently he still wants to talk to me, though he hasn't called. *shrug*

Oh, and there are sandhill cranes nearby, a huge flock of them staying in a field during their winter migration. Mom, Liz, and I went and took pictures. Christmas Cranes.

Well....

So, I'm silly. As soon as I saw Chase most of my doubts just disappeared. (Only most because, well, see previous entry "Doubt is a Devil") I've spent most of my time home so far with him. One night we took blanket out into the field next to his house and stargazed. There were lots of shooting stars that night. It was practically perfect.

As for Ian...I'm a wuss. I haven't called him yet....Instead I just sent him a text message. I'm such a chicken.

Going home...or the other home

So I'm sitting in the airport, ready to go back to South Carolina. Thing is, I'm nervous. I didn't think much had changed this year, but now I'm rethinking that. Living in a house, off of campus, I'm realizing I've probably done a lot more growing up. Besides that, I haven't been home for a little more than 4 months. I know that things between my parents and I will be fine. That kind of relationship rarely changes. But Chase...I've already told him I'm nervous. We've kept in touch constantly since I left, but there's that worry that things will be different. I haven't seen him for four months. Have my feelings changed? Has he changed? I can't tell. I'm excited, and worried. And I also know i'm overthinking this way to much.
Another worry, I want to meet up and talk to Ian. For those who don't know, he's an ex who I dated for 3 years, and there's a connection there that I don't think will ever leave me. He called me a few weeks ago, and sounded really stressed. So I want to call him when i get home, but then again I don't. Last time I saw him was more than a year ago, and I was still trying to control my nerves enough not to be sick. I hope I'm over that. I can't really tell. I'm worried that if I call him he'll have changed his mind and not want to see me. Or worse, that he won't remember or will regret having called me before. It could happen. And here i go overthinking. The day I find a way to shut off my thoughts will be a great and relaxing day.
Five hours till I'm in South Carolina. Wish me luck.

Thanksgiving cliche post

It may be over done...but, I can't help myself. I felt the meaning this year...

I'm thankful for the small things this year. Soft fur and a gentle purr in my ear. Sitting in comfortable silence with friends. Having friends to be comfortable with. A dusting of snow. The little ache that reminds me of people who are missing: my sweetheart, my parents, and my sister, friends who are far and not so far away. Memories that make me nostalgic, and memories that make me happy to be who I am, have what I have now.
I'm thankful for realizing that I value my life more than I value my work, and realizing the my work does not have to be my life. I'm thankful for finding my intellectual niche. I'm thankful for my artistic soul and my scientific mind. I'm thankful for the laughter, the thoughts, and the lives of others. And for the first time in my life, I am thankful for humanity.
I am thankful for the existance of love. I am thankful for its sweetness, its bitterness, and its power.
I am thankful for you, whoever you may be. And I am thankful for the chance to be me, and the abitlity to be thankful.

Helter Skelter

I am trying to make sense of the strangest conversation I've ever had
With an old friend who is lost and seems to have gone mad.
I'm beggining to think that sanity is not Real Life.
Trying to reconcile memories with reality.

"She's well aquainted with the touch of a velvet hand
Like a lizard on a window pane.
A man in the crowd with the mulitcolored mirrors
On his hobnail boots.
Laying with his eyes while his hands are busy working overtime.
A soap impression of his wife that eat ate
And donated to the National Trust."

Doubt is a Devil

Doubt is the devil on my shoulder
Whisperin’ in my ear
Doubt is the devil on my shoulder
Never letting me think clear

Pullin at my hair
Whisperin my ear
Her forked little tongue
Sayin that I’m wrong

I find that as I get older
She’s still sittin here
Even as I get bolder
She can still bring tears

And as I get older
This sick little devil
Only seems to grow

And as I get wiser
She’s no compromiser
She twists my thoughts again

Please little devil move over
Let me make decisions without fear
I never wanted this disorder
Whisperin in my ear

____________________

Some lyrics in progress.

The system

I made a D on my exam. And it's a fucking intro class.
I get more sastisfaction from making chainmaille than I do writing an essay, no matter how good or bad the grade. I'm really sick of the grading system. I hate that one letter can ruin my day. Especially when I do enjoy the class, have been engaged in the lectures, and have been doing most of the work. Phooey.

Halfway done

We had a halloween party last night. We invited a lot more people than came, but that turned out fine. A medium size group of friends being silly and talking is enough to make me immensly happy. Dan and Richard were there too. Even better.
Now, I have a lot of work to do. Mostly reading. I'm not behind. Not really. It's just that two of my proffessors have decided I need to read two books for this week. And rehearsals are going an hour longer starting this week. Whee. This should turn out interesting.
The quarter's halway over. The more difficult work and obligations are ahead of me. But I'm that much closer to being back in Chase's arms. I've been alone, romanticallyand sexuall inactive for four months. I'm ready to go home.

Drifting

So I'm begining to feel like I'm losing friends...Not all my friends....Mostly Dan and Richard. I guess it started last spring. They didn't come around much, or seem interested in hanging out. It's about the same this quarter, except now we're not on campus. I really don't like this. I don't want to lose their friendships, but also because it kinda hurts. It makes me feel like maybe something went wrong, and honestly I don't know what or why. Dan I can kinda understand. He can be selfish and a little course...he knows that about himself and sadly doesn't seem to think he should or can change it. Richard however...I don't know if it's just because we're busy and what not. I hope things don't get more distant. I hate drifting. I've lost so many friends in my life. I'd like to keep the ones I finally value and care so much for.

And the beat goes on..

So things resolve themself. It's sunny now. I enjoyed my time at the elementary school. The mail was picked up. I got my money back.
Also, I'm increasingly excited about my role as the Ghost in Hamlet. I can't wait to see what Jon Reeves has in mind for lighting and effects for my scene. =-D

Why Monday hates me...

1. It's raining. Cold, drizzly, annoying rain.

2. I'm currently scheduled to volunteer at a school for six hours a week when I was told around two or three would be required for my class. Working on that. Cause, yeah, I don't have much time to do homework as it is.

4. I went to buy the two books I haven't been able to afford until now. And my card gets denied. I call the bank. Apparently there's only 49 dollars in it. Turns out the money that I got from the school, roughly one thousand dollars, and deposited at the bank is not on their records. Why? I have no fucking idea. But that's the money I need to pay rent and bills. So yeah. I'm pissed. I know it will be worked out. But this is stress I don't need

.3. The mailman has yet to pick up our mail which includes bills that need to be paid soon. Which may be a good thing considering I apparently don't have the money to pay them.

SQUEEK!

http://magpiemaille.googlepages.com

>.<

Well, I want to start selling my jewelry and things. So far, the easiest, and perhaps best option for me right now is to create a site. So far, just a simple search showed me how little I know about the internet. Good fucking lord. There are apparently ways for beginners like me to make it work, but there are downsides. I think I have a good idea of what I need to do: find a web host that is 1) free 2)simple and 3) friendly to newbies. I've found a couple. But before I make a final move, I thought I'd put it out there to see if any of you have some tips or knowledge to share. Or perhaps just encouragement? Yeah, I'd like that. Wheeee!

Pictures of New Kitties

Here are some pictures of my new darlings...

This is Loki...

And this is Helios

Phone pics...

And the cat thermoter reads....about 99 degrees.

Punch is such a good little helper....not.

Cat burrito!!!

Some stuff

So, I'm in Kalamazoo now. All moved in to the new house. Michelle and I are actually working pretty well together on house upkeep. We're plotting adoption of animals soon. hehe.

I've made several new chainmaille things. However I don't have a means to take good pictures of the latest ones. So all I have to post is the bracelet I made for Chase.

Irony, among other things

Irony #1. A coworker complaining about the new manager and how she never stops talking. She then proceeds to talk for 45 minutes straight. Mostly about herself.

#2 The dog kennel apparently being infected with Kennel Cough, an airborn virus similar to the common cold. To irridicate it, we have to spray the whole place for a week and keep the dogs who've been there for over a week quarentined. Am I the only one who finds this contradictory? Airborne, spraying surfaces with disinfectant...? Huh?

#3 And the best one: Boyfriend being blind-folded and handcuffed, and me in hysterical laughter becuase of something he said, along the lines of "sexy captore".

And finally, some of the best lyrics I've heard in a while.

"Large print giveth, and small print taketh away."
and
"If you came to make trouble baby
Make me a double
I think it's good"

I'm making stuff a lot faster than I ever thought I could...

I know my entries have all been my jewelry lately, but really it's the only thing interesting happening to me lately....so here's my latest, and I think my greatest so far.

Tiger's eye stone set in chain. And those are my new scales. I think it's gorgeous.

More shinies:

This one done for Chase's boss's daughter. She chose the colors (which i'm not too fond of) but it turned out ok.

Holy shit this was hard!!! But it's so worth it. Look how pretty. Will be a pendant on the next necklace. =-D =-D

New stuff! I got my package of new materials, and they're beautiful. The only down side is that I miscaculated and got too few silver rings. There's not enough to do anything with. I'm telling myself to sell at least one more necklace before I order more silver. But I finished two lovelies...:

Green and silver aliminum. For Slytherin. For Michelle. =-D (the little scale at the end is one of the new things I ordered. I'm probably going to make something exclusively of those scales sometime soon. =-D)

Also aliminum, with sterling silver clasp. The beads are magnetic hematite. I think I'm going to sell this one. It was harder to do, that's for sure.

Don't Die for Me

Don't die for me
I don't want that kind of love

You say you love me more than
Sight and hearing
But how can we look into eachothers eyes
Whisper sweet nothings
When you are deaf and blind?

You say you love me more than
Air and your heart beating
But honestly, I like my love
To be alive.

Don't hold me so high
That you cannot see yourself
Value your life as much
As you say you value mine
Care for your life
As much as I care for you

Don't die for me
Live for you

Not my best,
just something I wanted
to get off my chest.
=-P

Flinch at your name

Flinch, by Alanis Morissette

What's it been, over a decade?
It still smarts like it was four minutes ago
We only influenced each other, totally
We only bruised each other even more so

What are you my blood? You touch me like you are my blood
What are you my dad? You affect me like you are my dad

How long can a girl be shackled to you
How long before my dignity is reclaimed
How long can a girl stay haunted by you
Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name
Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name

Where've you been? I heard you moved to my city
My brother saw you somewhere downtown
I'd be paralyzed if I ran into you
My tongue would seize up if we were to meet again

What are you my god? You touch me like you are my god
What are you my twin? You affect me like you are my twin

How long can a girl be tortured by you?
How long before my dignity is reclaimed
And how long can a girl be haunted by you
Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name
Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name

So here I am one room away from where I know you're standing
A well-intentioned man told me you just walked in
This man knows not of how this information has affected me
But he knows the colour of the car I just drove away in

What are you my kin? You touch me like you are my kin
What are you my air? You affect me like you are my air

And how long can a girl be tortured by you?
And how long before my dignity is reclaimed
And how long can a girl be haunted by you
Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name
Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name

I'm afraid this is me...Every word.

New, and more importantly SHINY!

I bought more chainmaille supplies. I'm really excited. O.O I got some really interesting stuff besides more aluminum. Such as shiny scales and rubber rings. =-D It's gonna be hard to wait a week or so to get them.
Chase and I keep ending up in the craft book section of barnes and nobles. He looks through wood carving books, and me through metal and jewelry. I feel like if both of us kept working on it, we'd end up with our own little shop of crafts together....Sounds too cute to actually happen, but a lot of fun. I can dream.

I think I'm ok about the whole Ian and I not talking thing. I really don't need to bring up the past. I'm really, really happy in the present right now. And the future looks bright. So, I'll send my luck to him and hope he does alright in his life, but I have no need of him in mine.
Chase gets more handsome everytime I see him.

Yay for shiny!

History Repeats

Well, I guess my week's theme has been people from my past.
First off, my Uncle Stuart, his wife, and my cousin came to visit Sunday night. One might think "Oh, a nice, average family visit." Au contrair my darlings. We have never had very good relations with my Mother's Brother's family. Mostly becuase of his very upper class Columbian wife, Maria Theresa Rodriguez etc. etc. etc. It seems that ever since they married, when my mother was still only 17 or 18, there has been a good bit of tension between Maria and Mom. Not that unexpected with such two strong personalities. But somehow, I've never been quite sure exactly how, egos got bruised and it's been a strained relationship ever since. We have not been allowed to call there house and had to call Stuart at his office. My own uncle! The only times we ever see them are for family occasions, namely weddings and funerals. The last I saw their two children, my cousins, was at my step-Grandmother's funeral, when I was around 10. The cousins didn't come to Grandpa's funeral. Apparently they don't do funerals. Lately, however, there seems to be the air of wanting to patch things up. Last fall, Stuart called us and talked to Mom for a long time. When she hung up she said that he had just come out of rehab for alcoholism. He had called to apologize for the tension and minimal communication over the years. Then at Liz's wedding Stuart and Maria were fairly congenial and said that when they picked up Anne, their daughter, from Yale they may stop through. Which is what they did this Sunday. And it went well, partially thanks to the cats. Appparently they're cat lovers, and Punch milked the attention for all it was worth. My cousin is now 33 and I hadn't seen her for 13 years. But it went really well. The conversation was fun and friendly, and then they went on their way. So yay for family ties that can always be mended....if very slowly.

My other historical relationship resurfacing happened just a little while ago. About an hour really. And it's all in my head. I saw a picture of Ian, my ex-boyfriend of three years back in highschool. I was taken by suprise by my reaction, which was one of familiar chills. Until recently we had been talking regulary as friends still. I thought that we'd continue that way. I still really care for him. But, he seemed to have dropped off the map. A few months ago I just stopped hearing from him. He hasn't been online or really responded to my text messages. His brother told me a little about how he was doing (not great) but that's not the same. I'm now stuck between wanting to contact him and not wanting too. I'm trying to figure out my motives. Do I want to talk to him just because I'm curious and still care about what happens to him? That seems most likely. I didn't really like how much seeing that picture affected me. Boo for habitual reactions. It made me feel all nostalgic and guilty at the same time. Guilty because I do love Chase and felt bad for even thinking about Ian again. I guess it happens. And it's only really been a year since we broke up for good. I don't know. We'll see if I decide to make contact again.

Summer Maille

So summer has been good so far. I worked my little butt off last weekend, now I have four days off till I work even harder. The kennel is gonna be really busy this weekend. So I'm savoring my days off, relaxing, doing my chainmaille, and helping Mom paint our dining room. And spending with Chase of course. =-D

Speaking of Chase and chainmaille, he got me some of my first customers. Two of his co-workers and his boss's daughter wanted something. So now I have 45 dollars and a little coming my way. Horray! What they wanted was really simple though, nothing challenging or exceptionally pretty. So i didn't bother scanning them. I did make something I really like though, and I've told myself that I'm going to sell it. Even though i really like it....

So it begins...

Soooo....yeah. I figure since people are going away next year, I'd start a blog...I've always been a little adverse to the idea (hence the title), but it seems like it will be a good way to stay updated with people.

So, with that said. Summer's been pretty good so far. It doesn't seem like it's only been a week and a half since school ended. I spent the first week just spending time with Chase. We went to the Red Elvises concert that Wednesday. It was fun, but not as amazing as the last time I saw them.
Then there was the crazy weekend of my sister's wedding. All my relatives that I haven't seen for a while, some for five years, and friends of the family. I was happy to see my Uncle Don and his wife Sherry and my mom's friends Susan and James. They're always fun to sit and exchange sarcastic remarks with. And this time I could drink with them as well. =-D One impressive thing is that my Uncle Stuart and Maria Theresa (his very Columbian wife) showed up. My family's relationship with them has never really been that great, or really that existant. So it was kinda good that they were there. There's some hope we can salvage a relationship with them.
Chase seemed to have a good time. Everyone really liked him. He is such a charmer, but he doens't get that yet.
The wedding itself was beautiful. It was fun being a bridesmaid. I managed to keep from crying until Liz's dance with Dad at the reception. Dad looked so happy and Liz so pretty that I just gave up and grabbed the napkin from my lap.
And now, pictures!




















Me and Chase being cute...or in his case, crazy.




















Me and my sister at the reception.




















This is why I love Bo, who is now my Brother-in-law. Yay!

The putting on of the dress...














Two of my favorite people, in schnazy hats. (That's my Uncle Don on the left)

Here is where I couldn't help but cry...

Yay wedding!